Generation Gap - Am I out of touch?

Not so long ago, across the office, I heard an 18 year old colleague squeal: "OH! LOOK! I got my first dick pick". 

Now!! I pride myself on staying in touch, keeping up, I get the lingo and if I hear a strange one, well I know how to Google. When I heard these words however, passionately spoken, I immediately imagined something resembling a tooth pick but obviously intended for a different part of the anatomy ...  oh! And to be clear - in my head, this looked like some sort of utensil more typically accompanying a seafood platter!

Owwwwwwwch ... Why would you? Why would anyone?

My colleague went on to elaborate, the dick pick was accompanied by an invite for a drink. Oh! Right! Ok! Got it! Got it! Pic not pick, yep, as in photo , something you might post on Instagram ... Yep! Pic ... Ok ... Catching up ... WOW!! Thankfully I didn't humiliate myself with any embarrassing commentary about my own interpretation!

So then my mind turned to wondering, has the generation gap widened so much? When did the male anatomy become so attractive it is presented as temptation to "go for a drink"? Jeez, how can a girl resist? 

I guess it brings new meaning to cocktail hour!

But really? OMG! LOL! Does that actually work? I won't linger over my own experiences but "fetching" isn't my first thought!

Was the pic accompanied by any kind of gauge perhaps? Raised and presented in a pair of tweezers? Kitchen tongs? Or what about BBQ implements to show what a real man he is? 

Seriously? Was it attentive or just hanging around? I didn't dare ask and I gotta be honest, I don't think I actually want to know!! Honestly! I don't! Really I don't!

Is the generation gap so huge? Oh crap, I must be turning into my Mum although to be fair, at least she only had to contend with men with long hair!!!

Tweet

Reference for a Colleague!

Should I give it to him now or wait until he asks?

J is a stand out member of the  team, never letting anything or anybody get in the way of his achieving his professional goals.   He especially enjoys interacting with "the big boss", ideally hourly or more frequently if desired, with a view to keeping the top man across all aspects of the team's activities.  He is especially helpful to his peers, offering frequent and regular feedback, never failing to highlight areas for improvement.  He often takes the opportunity to engage the boss in this feedback, thereby ensuring his colleagues also get plenty of boss face-time. 

J's eagerness to help doesn't just end here!  NO!  Recognising one of his peers is new to the role and not yet had any opportunity to shape the team or adapt strategic direction to suit changing business needs, he is happy to step in and personally manage that team too.  He recognises the need to circumnavigate management to ensure his 'professional' goals are achieved.  Motivation is an area of special interest, guiding teams and explaining how he could personally reduce a weeks work to 20 minutes but only if he was doing it himself.

AND! His good will and obliging nature just keeps on coming, it extends across all departments as he makes a special effort to highlight those little opportunities that have been missed, especially those where he knows his peers haven't yet seen the benefits, but with his help, surely soon will.

As to team work, well .... he leaves one speechless.  There is nothing he likes more than a gathering around the water cooler, especially with the more junior members of the team.  An opportunity for him to influence them to become future followers, when he attains his full potential of course, thus ensuring a reverent and loyal following... as well as support for his philosophy throughout the business and down through the years.

If J has one failing it is that he spreads himself a little too thin... not always leaving enough time to focus on his own team.  Due to his unmatched enthusiasm to assist others, he has been known to lose sight of the responsibilities of his own role and department.  That said, with appropriate direction from his manager, this minor failing could be overcome.

[Go on... I betcha... you know him don't you?]

But I don't Live Here!!!!

A friend in London asked me to tell their story, here it is.....

So around midnight one day in December, after a supplier Xmas party, I jumped in a cab, a little worse for wear, rang hubby, "be home in 5"!!!  ….. 5 minutes later, in the lift, level 6… out the lift, take a right…. Hubby left the door unlocked, no need to fumble with the key….  but … Wot the?  All the lights are out… how odd!!!!!!! I just spoke to him and he has put the lights out and gone to bed!!!!  Weird! ….. Lock the door, light on…. Hmmmmmm even more odd… he's changed all the furniture!  Mmmm… and where did that shocking pink picture come from, it is horrible…. It took another second or two and then "WTF! I don't live here… ermmmm….. This is not my apartment!"  … stomach dropping, churning, sinking feeling…. turn around, fumble with the lock, EXIT!!  Recheck the number on the door… yep – definitely the wrong apartment - #29!  I live in #43 – 3 floors up! 

Ever since the building got hit by lightening funny things have been happening and now this?  The lift had let me out on the wrong floor!!!! 

I can't recall if I put the light out as I left but I do know I locked the front door!!! Can you imagine those poor people this morning?  The mystery of the locked door and the hall light on??????? Or worse, what if they were out for the evening and left the door unlocked for their own return!!!!! And I kindly locked them out!!!

Thank goodness I didn't get as far as using their tooth brush! Can you imagine!!!!!!

I shan't forget "that day" in a hurry!

Another Dianne memory

I remember her Mum telling me about the time "somebody" was stealing her cigarettes.  The suspects?  Her two boys, ages 8 and 7 respectively or her 4 year old daughter Dianne!

She lined them up on the couch...the kids, not the cigs.... into each mouth went a lit cigarette and what do you know... the boys, coughed, choked and spluttered... sobbed their hearts out!!  But not Di ... Oh no - she sat back, feet not touching the floor and puffed away for all she was worth.... like a 20 a-day smoker!  Honestly, just picture her... cute as a button... FOUR years old... her Mother looked to the future and sighed only 14 year's to go.... but all I can say is: DON"T TRY IT AT HOME!

My friend Dianne

Let me introduce you to my friend Di.... those of you who are under 16, please move on to the next post!

Sadly, I have lost touch with Dianne but whenever I need to find a smile, thoughts of Dianne help.  She is great; loud, young, blonde and not even the teeniest bit of guile.  She is so open and honest you could never find it in your heart to judge her.... Nothing is a secret and seriously I mean nothing! 

Once upon a time, "parking" down a lane... boyfriend in tow! Back seat!  As can happen when you are young (but over 18!), they got carried away ... it wasn't long before she screamed... "OH... Tony ... Tony... we're rolling... we're rolling..."

"Oh I know Babe" says Tony....

"No Tony... really.... the car.... the handbrake... we really are rolling"....

Now, you might think this was confided quietly... girl talk... friend to friend... NOPE!  This was told to an audience... her entire family, Mum, Dad, Brothers and all..... full volume, accompanied by hysterical laughter... honestly... NO secrets!

My PCI Lamp post

Have you ever walked into a lamp post?

As I left my last job, I cheered!   I waved farewell to 5 years of PCI DSS and all that came with it... audits & bureaucracy.  I just know many of you will sympathise or feel truly envious!  Don't get me wrong, you won't find anybody to fly a bigger flag for secure systems than Moi... but I am far from a natural bureaucrat! Me? Red tape?  Really, we just DO NOT go together - now pink, maybe... pink is my colour.... 

Anyway, I digress.. where was I?  Looking backwards and waving farewell to PCI and then... yes... I turned around and walked slam bang straight into a lamp-post with PCI written all over it!

DOH!!!!!!
I love my job... I love my job.... I love my job ... but I DO!

But you aren't my husband!

My friend Meg was painting the lounge and finding herself in need of more paint, commandeered hubby to drive her down to the store.  Hubby parks the car while she runs inside to pick up the paint.  Shortly thereafter, out she comes, hops quickly into the car, loading two 3 litre tins of emulsion into the foot-well.

Seat belt on and yes, you guessed it...  "BUT ... but.... you aren't my husband"

"No dear, much as I would like to take you home, my wife really wouldn't like it"

At what point does the embarrassment hit?  Immediately?  When you realise you are in the wrong car?  When it dawns on you, hubby has moved to a better spot down the road? Or is it that moment when you find yourself having to extract yourself and two large tins of paint from a stranger's car?

Well honestly, it was the same colour!  Parked in the same spot...

Alpha male? Man or Cat?

Have you ever shared a house with a man and a cat?  At the same time?  Trust me, I did!  Just once and I can promise you, it is never to be repeated nor recommended ....  Cat was there first living happily with Woman.  Loved, not spoilt, dining on titbits of succulent chicken and making full use of his 4.5KG to take full advantage of the Master Bed.

Within weeks of arrival, man overcame beast.  Firstly, Cat found himself evicted from the bed, soon followed by a lock out from all sleeping quarters.  Cat of course, repaid man with determined door scratching finished off by periodic yowling. Every night.  All night. For weeks.  Cat was very determined to make his displeasure felt and much of the neighbourhood clearly thought Cat abuse was under-way.

Cat, although wary, enjoyed taking every opportunity to sharpen claws on Man's clothing.  Of course, the effect of this on Man was to confirm his suspicions.  "Cat was sly.  Cat thought he was at the top of the food chain.  The Alpha Male.  Cat had to learn!  He was bottom of the pecking order! Worse!! Cat was overfed and spoilt. See! Just look! He needs a trolley to help support his belly as it drags along the floor, just like Garfield."  Of course, this was all the fault of Woman.

The Alpha was Man and clearly Woman could not be trusted to explain this to Cat nor keep Cat in his rightful place.  It took Man to put beast back where he belonged.  Cat had been allowed to think he was Alpha for too long.  Woman had no idea how things should be done.  Of course, Woman knew... the fight between the males was futile - Woman rules.... ask any new car sales man...

Never again!

Rolling Eyes

Even I think my sense of humour is a bit sad at times but some things just really make me laugh.  Am I the only one who laughed at headlines talking about bionic eyes being rolled out?  You can't talk about rolling out eyes for goodness sake....

Impressive technology, awesome and no doubt it will bring something amazing to many....

Did the writer of the headline use the words intentionally?  Who knows... the article certainly caught my eye...

Expecting Joe Bloggs?

Ever had one of those moments?  Your ears just don't work!  I remember once and an open plan office.. too many years ago to mention .. Reception rang in and Betty answered the phone...

     Joe Bloggs is waiting in Reception....

     B: Anybody expecting Joe Bloggs?

     Are you sure his name is Joe Bloggs?

     B: Yes... Joe Bloggs....

     Back to Reception... sorry no - we are not expecting Joe...

     Joe?  No - not Joe...  Chubb Locks!!!!

     B: Oh yes - send him up, we've been expecting him...

OK... not my best, it was funny at the time though... maybe you had to be there...

13th January 10:09am - Brisbane Floods - Lifts

For those who haven’t heard yet, it looks very much like both of our buildings have completely escaped the water!! Awesome... wot a relief!

Now you may recall I mentioned an inability to record Coronation Street? Turns out that was the least of it, it can get worse.... they have disabled our lifts.... FOURTEEN flights of stairs... dark ... narrow fire stairs are the only way out... and worse... the only way back! KILLER! even heading down is an experience... the "monster" noises and heavy breathing.... just around the corner as others climb up...