Santa's elves go on strike!

An emergency fax to my Niece, December 2013

Sophie

Can you please check your newspapers?  I don't know what to make of the news bulletin below, what do you think?  If true, it isn't looking good for Ian's jet bike again this year!

I have been unable to contact Father C, but there is an official press release from Lapland, I suspect it may be a cover up and worse still, the elves are in the frame!! 

OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE – LAPLAND 24TH December 2013

cc by Jamie C2009

This morning in Lapland, the elves were revolting.  Several elves, led by known troublemakers, have persuaded many in the elf community to go on strike.  The Father Christmas official Government body does not sanction this strike and orders all elves to return to work immediately, OR ELSE!!!

The elves are claiming that Santa ALWAYS gets the whiskey, the mince pies and that he steals all of the credit for their hard work.  They are claiming he sits around, dishing out orders for 364 days each year, then puts in an appearance on one night and takes all the recognition and credit.

It is believed that many of the elves are above themselves following their successful appearance as extras on the recent Hollywood blockbuster Lord of the Rings, when in fact they only made a very brief appearance as extras in the final scene.

GFDL by überarbeitet von mir

Further trouble is expected from Rudolph, who is concerned about the new brakes that have been installed on the sleigh this year.  As Lead Reindeer, he is concerned that without seat-belts (which are not compulsory for this group of merry men), he may be in serious trouble in the event of an emergency stop.

The Lapland Government is requesting that children volunteer to assist in the final stages of present preparation.  All children wishing to assist should prepare a letter to this Government, explaining why they feel able to do the job and also confirming they are not more than 3 feet 10 inches tall (this is standard Government approved elf height).  Children greater than 3' 10" may also apply explaining how they might fit into a uniform designed to fit a smaller form and may be considered if there is a shortfall in the number of children required.  If we are not successful in meeting the minimal numbers, there is a danger that Christmas will be cancelled this year or at best, all deliveries will arrive on Boxing Day, 26th December.

Children are asked to be asleep early on Christmas Eve to ensure letters can be collected in a timely manner.  Letters should be left under the volunteer's pillow and will only be collected once everybody in the household is asleep.  

Letter collection is being organised by the tooth fairy.

cc by Heather Sunderland

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Santa a Terrorist... Breaking News....

News Update, Christmas 2004, fortunately Santa was released, albeit a little late and all children's parcels delivered safely and on time!!

cc by Oren neu dag

It has been reported that a large gentleman with a white beard and a red suit has been apprehended in the United States.  The gentleman in question, seen driving a sleigh recklessly at high speed, and carrying surveillance equipment, was escorted by two  helicopters to the local airport and later transferred to Guantanamo Bay, where President Bash will take personal responsibility for his interrogation.

A gentleman of similar appearance has recently been identified in the UK as a "hoody" and has repeatedly been asked to leave several shopping malls.  Previously, he was thought to have relocated to the zoo, however this is now known to have been an impostor.

President Bash alleges that the bearded guy does not hold a valid passport and is wanted in approximately 43 counties for a range of offences, including breaking & entering and rooftop tile damage.

Bash claims the geezer with the beard has been known to operate under several aliases, including Santa Claus, St Nicholas and more recently, Father Christmas.

cc by Hermielou Maria

A lawyer for Mr Claus claims that he has been repeatedly abused and threats made against his reindeer.   Photographs backing this claim have unofficially been released, however the only thing identifiable on these photographs is an Aussie Barbecue. 

A large sack of unmarked parcels was also found in Mr Claus possession, he claims that these are to be marked up for children around the world once he has completed his annual surveillance of good and bad kids, presumably hoping this explains away the night vision goggles found in the front seat of his sleigh.

cc by debaird

Observers and analysts believe President Bash's behaviour is directly related to trauma in his own childhood, likely because nobody bought him a teddy bear.

cc by Tom Brogan

An official spokesperson for the Government has stated that they do not believe Mr Claus' claims that he was doing a practice run for Christmas.  The spokesperson went on to state that several pictures of the offender have been widely distributed this year and they are glad to have finally made the capture.

British and Australian Governments are working together to secure the release of Mr Claus in time for Xmas, time is running short though and his release is looking increasingly unlikely.

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Dear Sophie, Santa's lost weight....

A copy of a letter to my niece, December 2002

Dear Sophie

Santa's just popped in, he is looking well, lost a bit of weight!  Much better than last year, don't tell anybody but I had a quiet word with him, he had really let himself go but happy to say, it seems to have done the trick.  He has cut out mince pies, eats Rudolph's carrots instead, and he has cut down on the drinking! He tends to mix his drinks, especially when he does the present run on Christmas Eve.

That has created another problem though! Rather than disappoint all the little children and not eat his mince pies, and drinks his beer, Santa has been passing it on to Rudolph instead!  NOT a good idea! You should see the state of Rudolph, he won't even pose for a photo!  If he did you would have trouble fitting him in the view finder!!  Santa looks slim and healthy but Rudolph is so fat he can barely pull the sleigh.  The snow doesn't help – a very slippy take off from Lapland!  Rudolph's nose is redder and even shinier than ever from all the whiskey and his eyes don't look good!

cc by Walter Baxter

Santa claims flying with Rudolph is a bit like being on a roller coaster this year because Rudolph has drunk too many beers.  I have suggested to Rudolph that he share with the other reindeer but he is a bit naughty and keeps it to himself.  It was funny watching him take off from here, he nearly landed in next door's tree!  That'd be trouble!

Santa's face was a picture…

You will definitely hear him land when he arrives on Christmas Eve - listen carefully, he is bigger than an elephant!  You had best check in the morning to make sure he managed to take off OK and that Santa didn't leave him behind.

I told Santa that you are going to midnight mass so he will deliver your presents last. He doesn't finish until after 4 in the morning so thinks you should be home in bed asleep by then. He said if you aren't asleep when he arrives, he will pass by and give you double next year, assuming you are a good girl between now and then of course!

Lots of love

Aunty Jay

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They made a difference - Abraham Lincoln

12 February 1809 to 15 April 1865, age 56

Like many great people, taken too young.  Long before the assassination of JFK, the first president to be taken in such a way, and only days after the war he fought so hard to end and yet one he believed in so passionately.

A man taken too soon by an assassin's bullet, not unlike the 35th President almost 100 year's later - President John F Kennedy, the 50th anniversary of who's death was celebrated just last month.

President Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, not a Founding Father and yet a man who influenced modern times in equal, if not greater measure. Without him, could the world we live in today exist? I think not.

Born around 100 year's after the death of Abraham Lincoln, I feel we shared many of the same values. Above all justice, but also a belief in equality and fairness, in my mind, the same thing.

Who is truly qualified to write about such a great man? Not me, for sure, however a series discussing 'people who make a difference' could never be complete without mention of Abe Lincoln. Personally, I have deep respect and admiration for a man who balanced personal values and politics through such traumatic and chaotic times, in the face of adversity from his enemies and even, at times, his allies.

Like another great man from history (Winston Churchill), Abe Lincoln suffered from depression and yet like Winston, he overcame his own challenges for the good of a nation.  A man who, along with his wife Mary, whom he married at their second attempt and from a slave-owning family herself, suffered the premature loss of three children.  Heartbreaking, how does any parent recover from the loss of one child, never mind three?   Of the surviving gene pool, their direct descendants died out on December 24th 1985 with the demise of their childless Great Grandson, Robert Todd Lincoln Beckwith.

Born on the American frontier, at a time when education was rare and to a harsh life in a one room log cabin.  Largely self taught, an avid reader, both brave and unafraid.  They say an eldest child is destined to be the leader, yet this was not true for Abraham Lincoln who, even as the second child,  met his destiny full on and truly made a difference.

From a young age, when he witnessed slavery first hand soon after arriving in New Orleans, his actions did more than suggest he couldn't support it.   He wanted and strove for a united nation, a United States, one that outlawed slavery, was innovative and offered opportunity to anybody who wanted to capture it in their hands.  Sadly, even today, over a century later, discrimination continues and yet, without his conviction, the first step on the ladder to a unified people may never have been taken.

Lincoln's Gettysburg Address of 1863 remains today, the most quoted speech in US history and we all owe him a great debt.

Famous Quotes

"Both parties deprecated war, but one of them would make war rather than let the Nation survive, and the other would accept war rather than let it perish, and the war came"

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt"

"You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time"

"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be"

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power" (my personal favourite!)

and perhaps most prophetic of all:

"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count.  It's the life in your years"

Useless facts:

• Sun sign (astrology): Aquarius
• Birthplace                : Kentucky
• Myers Briggs           : ISFJ

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So Very Sad, Nelson Mandela ...

18 July 1918 – 5 December 2015

Whatever name you knew him by, Mandela his "English" name, Rolihlahla meaning "troublemaker"  ... Madiba, his clan name, Dalibhunga his grown up name denoting 'convenor of the dialogue', Khulu, meaning "Great One" or Tata, meaning 'father' a term of endearment used by so many South Africans ...  this extraordinary man was inspirational.

cc by South Africa The Good News / www.sagoodnews.co.za

Let us never forget, his momentous fight against discrimination, his relentless determination to reconcile a broken nation, his heroic struggle against adversity, his generosity, his compassion, even towards his jailors, his remarkable and amazing life.  A father, a teacher, a charmer, a man loved by women and men alike, an exceptional orator and a natural leader with a great sense of humour.

That his family fight over his remains is perhaps the biggest tragedy of all ...

On 4th August earlier this year, as I wrote of Nelson Mandela  in my  'They Made a Difference series'... I knew many of us were sad to hear he was fading and now he has gone.

May Nelson Mandela rest in peace ... the world will surely mourn the passing of this genuine and gentle man ... a revolutionary who became a peacemaker ... undoubtedly the greatest man of our times ...

Dear Sophie, Santa's lost his naughty children list...

Dear Sophie

Father Christmas just dropped by to ask me to contact you, he is too embarrassed to tell you himself.  He was very red faced, can you believe, he has LOST his "naughty children list"!  

Can please write him a letter and remind him of all of the times you have been naughty this year.  He remembers you being cheeky to Mummy at least once, in June and he is sure there is more, but he just can't remember.  

He did say that if you write and claim you have been good, Mummy, Daddy AND Grandma will all need to sign the letter too so he knows it is true and accurate.

cc by Michael Coté

Santa will be watching extra carefully over the next few says, while he decides which children will get their presents this year.

Please write quickly, he needs an answer by tomorrow night!!!!

Lots of love

Aunty Jayjinx.com

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